You DO NOT one up the NFL

According to PFT, a memo was recently circulated "advising (NFL) teams that there shall be no alcohol on team planes, in team facilities, or in team locker rooms." This is clearly in response to similar actions in MLB, and the NFL wanted to get on the good PR bandwagon.

Funniest Mormon alive?

I found this on Sportsnet.ca, I've been privately ripping on the Jazz fans but this is a Hall of Fame caliber sign. Someone should tell this kid that it's the 14 year old girls that get married, not the boys. But seriously, has anyone spotted a single minority at the Jazz games?

A headline even better than the NY Post one!

Kudos to those crazy Canadians! Unfortunately I just renamed my fantasy team "Yankee Doodle Randy," and I'm not ready to rename it again.

Doomed to repeat it?

Bill Hambrecht is looking for a few good billionaires. His goal: to start a football league, the UFL, to rival the NFL. They would put teams in major markets that lack an NFL franchise such as Los Angeles, Las Vegas, San Antonio, and Mexico City. (The NFL currently has teams in 29 of the top 50 television markets in the United States) They would play games on Fridays; the NFL doesn't play on Fridays because of the arrangement they have with southern Congress people as part of their antitrust exemption. High school football is traditionally played on Friday nights. But here's the kicker: they plan to play in the fall.

The USFL, WFL, and XFL have all gone against the NFL and failed. The WFL and XFL both started out very strong but lacked staying power once the curiosity wore off. The USFL gained a foothold but then made the mistake of taking on the NFL head-to-head by moving their games from the spring to the fall and going after their antitrust exemption. The gamble failed; no network would risk offending the NFL by televising USFL games so the league became radioactive. The moral: football hasn't yet reached its saturation point in the United States, just focus on the NFL's offseason and don't rely on gimmicks.

Some interviews with my favorite author

Here's Frank Miller talking about Will Eisner's The Spirit, which he is writing and directing. And here he is talking about the making of 300. (Could Miller have been referring to the saga of Pausanias for a 300 sequel?)

Great teams do not equal great games

If one were to listen to the team ESPN has doing pregame for the NBA Playoffs, you committing a crime if you miss a second of its riveting drama. A lot of sentences begin with the phrase "You're missing one of the great..." as if to guilt you into watching more. They say you're missing one of the great players in Tim Duncan. Now he is a great player, or at least he was. He finished 19th in the league in scoring this year and 7th in rebounding (Antawn Jamison finished 20th and 12th). And the Spurs are a great team, or at least they were. This year they finished with the third best record in the league, and were aided by Dallas's first round upset and Phoenix's controversial suspension.

But the games stink. The Dallas-Golden State series was good, but it was a first round matchup and Golden State wasn't going any further. Game 1 of San Antonio-Phoenix was good, mostly because Steve Nash was bleeding like a stuck pig. But there hasn't been any great games that matter. For that matter, how many great games that matter have their been in the NBA Playoffs in recent years? Game 4 of L.A.-Sacramento in 2002 when a loose ball rolls to Robert Horry and he nails a 3 with triple zeros showing was truly a great game. Game 5 of L.A.-San Antonio in 2004 when Derek Fisher hit the game winner, the ball inbounded to him with 0.4 left on the clock, was a great game. Those are the only two great games between potential title winning teams since Michael Jordan retired from the Bulls.

Over that time, the Broncos-Packers, Rams-Titans, Patriots-Rams, and Patriots-Panthers Super Bowls, the tuck rule game, and last year's AFC Championship Game were all great games. And, of course, the NFL has considerably fewer playoff games because the NBA has 7 game series. The NFL has parity, the NBA doesn't. When only 2 or 3 teams have any chance of winning, if one matches up well against the other, there aren't going to be any great, meaningful, memorable games that year. Because Dallas was knocked out early and the shenanigans of the San Antonio-Phoenix series, there hasn't been a great game between great teams this year. Just like as most years.

Green hair confirmed

Here's a second picture of the Joker from the summer 2008 masterpiece The Dark Knight. I can provide absolutely zero context. It looks like director Christopher Nolan on the left, so it's probably not actually from the movie. Also noted in the article is that four action sequences from the movie are being shot in IMAX, including "the introduction of Heath Ledger as The Joker." There's also a pic of one of the Joker's henchmen.

I've never actually seen a feature length film at an IMAX theater but for The Dark Knight I'll make an exception.

I can't possibly top the NY Post's headline

Kornheiser says the New York Post's motto is "We Print in English Occasionally."

The blame game

A lot of people are hating on Kobe Bryant for demanding a trade, because he pressured the Lakers to trade Shaquille O'Neal before he would resign, but is it his fault they got so little in return for him? Lamar Odom, Caron Butler, and the horrible contract of Brian Grant in exchange for the dominant player in the NBA? Pat Riley admitted that he would have included Dwyane Wade if it was a deal breaker, but Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak didn't press the issue, possibly in order to get a deal done before free agency started. The Lakers of course traded Butler for Kwame Brown, since they had three players (Kobe, Odom, and Butler) to play two positions (small forward and shooting guard).

The Dallas Mavericks had been the front-runner to trade for Shaq, but the Lakers insisted on Dirk Nowitzki in return. Dallas reportedly was willing to part with All Stars Antawn Jamison and Josh Howard, but the Lakers preferred getting an inferior package to Shaq staying in the West. Or they could have not traded Shaq and dared Kobe to follow through on his threat to sign with the crosstown Clippers. Anything other than the course of action they followed would be better than what they're looking at: a nucleus of Odom, Brown, Andrew Bynum, and whatever they get for Kobe.

Comparing Lost to Planet of the Apes

EW had a great column today finding some amazing similarites between Lost and the Planet of the Apes movies.

My empire of dirt

I chuckle sometimes when I hear shows described as the "Best Show on TV." 24, The Closer, The Sopranos, various reality shows. That is because nothing can possibly touch the greatness that is The Shield. I started watching it with the premier of season two and at no point has it taken a step back in quality. Two episodes last season were spent setting up the relationship between the main character and Oscar winner Forest Whitaker, but the payoff was worth it. In some shows (like The Sopranos, Deadwood, and Lost) months are spent building up to a confrontation that never happens. That would never happen in the world of The Shield, because the characters could never let their anger simmer for anything more than a day.

To summarize the plot of The Shield, there is a dilapidated police station in the Farmington district of L.A. The characters get deeper and deeper into some dirty shit while fighting gang warfare, serial killers, and other crimes. The cops that were dirty to start the show get dirtier and dirtier, and the ones that weren't are dragged down by the dirty cops. It works because every storyline feels like the natural progression of the characters, and every new character brought in feels necessary to that progression. And it helps that these characters are stars like Whitaker, Glenn Close, Franka Potente (Bourne Identity), Michael Pena (Crash), Sticky Fingaz, Guy Torry (American History X), and Andre Benjamin.

The penultimate episode of the penultimate season (that one's for you, dad) was last night, dropping two absolute stunners in the last three minutes to promise a bloodbath in the season finale next week. And I know they will deliver; no one's going to die of natural causes or in a car accident, no one is going to skip town, and no ridiculous deus ex machina event is going to take place. So when The Sopranos ends with a whimper in two weeks, I won't be able to help comparing it to next week's The Shield and I imagine that it will be a one-sided comparison.

I call it damn fine television

If you want to know why he's crying...

Hokie in the pokey

If anyone is curious why I haven't been running constant Vick updates, I'd like to point out that I ran with the story way back on April 26th, before the NFL draft. One of the benefits to having a blog is I don't have to wait for a second source - if it passes my smell test, it's good enough for me. Now ESPN Outside the Lines has a source that says Vick was a whale in the dog-fighting "industry" since 2000, which is before he was drafted. Now on one hand, that's good news for Vick because he can't be punished for what he did before he was an NFL player. On the other hand, how does he have the time and resources to train dogs, bet large sums of money on them, go to class, and be Big East player of the year at the same time? Perhaps he got paid large sums of money while at Virginia Tech?

Killer Aps

In honor of Memorial Day, I've compiled a list of the greatest game for each video game console over the last 20 years. Playstation was a tough call between Final Fantasy VII and Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, as was the Playstation 2 with their various sequels.

• Nintendo Entertainment System: Super Mario Bros. 3
• Sega Master System: Phantasy Star
• Sega Genesis: Herzog Zwei
• Turbografx-16: Military Madness
• Gameboy: Tetris
• Atari Lynx: Blue Lightning
• Super Nintendo: Final Fantasy III
• Sega Saturn: Panzer Dragoon Saga
• Sony Playstation: Final Fantasy VII
• Nintendo 64: The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time
• Sega Dreamcast: Soul Calibur
• Sony Playstation 2: God of War
• Microsoft XBox: Halo 2
• Nintendo Gamecube: Resident Evil 4
• Nintendo DS: Elite Beat Agents
• Sony PSP: Tekken: Dark Resurrection
• Microsoft XBox 360: Gears of War
• Sony Playstation 3: The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
• Nintendo Wii: The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

Making cents of it all

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End took in $142 million over the four day weekend, breaking the Memorial Day weekend record set by X-Men: The Last Stand last year ($123 million). Pirates 3 fell short, however, of the $151 million Spider-Man 3 took in last weekend.

I just don't get what decides which of these movies become blockbusters and which don't. X-Men United only took in $86 million opening weekend but is a much better movie than it's sequel. Same with Spider-Man 2 which took in a then Herculean $116 million. The Passion of the Christ grossed $371 million domestic, but United 93 grossed only $31 million. Norbit grossed $95 million domestic; I've got no movie to compare Norbit to and I've never seen it but there's no way it isn't horrendous.

Is it all based on promotion or sex appeal? Do you need to appeal to the 14 year old boy with out of control hormones, or the the 39 year old soccer mom who just wants something that will shut the kids up for two hours? Any commercial for any of the Pirates movies had at least one shot of a monkey covering his eyes, ears, or mouth. Does that guarantee an extra $50 million? Is every shot of Keira Knightley's naval worth $5 million?

It all comes down to how many memorable shots you can stick into a 30 second ad. Home Alone was just an excuse to show a Joe Pesci get nailed by a bucket like 5 times every commercial break. Does anyone read reviews? Or care about the direction or writing? I'm not just pushing artsy movies - The Prestige was my favorite movie of 2006 and it only grossed $53 million. It had Scarlett Johansson, who can match up to Knightley. It had Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale, who should be at least equal to Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom. And I found the preview for it riveting, with narration by Michael Caine and some startling images. But it just didn't click for audiences.

It was a relief, however, to see my next two favorite movies of 2006, The Departed and Borat, each take in about $130 million domestic despite both being rated R. So maybe I shouldn't focus on the top grossers and look at the bigger picture. It's just hard hearing these record breaking numbers about seemingly random movies. Seeing Disney score these giant hits is kind of like seeing Mr. Burns win the giveaway at the Isotopes game.

Coming up small

With the NBA Playoffs lacking sizzle (or steak) and dozens interested in the Stanley Cup Playoffs, the lead story on Sportscenter Friday and Saturday was the UFC-71 showdown between Chuck Liddell and Quinton Jackson. Former Fear Factor host and current UFC commentator Joe Rogan debated a boxing expert about the future outlooks of their respective sports before the first commercial break. Chuck Liddell was on the cover of the current issues of ESPN The (awkwardly large) Magazine and Sports Illustrated. He was a guest star on a recent episode of Entourage. The message was the UFC has arrived, and that MMA, or mixed martial arts, had passed boxing (and of course hockey), especially in the eyes of teens and twenty-somethings.

But, as is so often the case in boxing, the fight failed to come close to delivering. Jackson knocked out Liddell under two minutes in, forcing the ref to stop the fight. I've been trying all weekend to come up with a major sports parallel scenario and the best I could come up with is if Michigan State/Indiana State would have been a boring rout with Magic and Bird coming up small, but at least the game still would have been 40 minutes long. And then you could change the channel, because you wouldn't have spent $50 for the right to see it. But that's the problem with having MMA and boxing on pay per view: if you have a dud of a match thousands of people are turned off of paying to see a potential stinker again.

Reboot

As you probably noticed I've added some features to my blog. Besides changing the colors to more of a football theme, I've added a ton of links and info to the left column.

• At the top, I've added a "widget" for Rotoworld.com. It's like a miniature web page; you can scroll up or down and do a search of Rotoworld.
• Under that, I've added an RSS feed for Slickdeals.net. Everytime a new deal makes their frontpage, it show up there. If you ever see something you want there, buy it, because t's never been cheaper. These are not ads.
• Then there is a list of the bargain sites that I frequent. Slickdeals has all kinds of bargains, Cheapassgamer is for video games, and DVDTalk is of course for DVDs.
• There is a list of sports links I use, including Adam Schefter's (my favorite NFL reporter) archive, the sports sections for the local newspapers, and the place where I get the cartoons.
• There's a list of blogs I go to, some famous, some are written by my friends. If anyone links my blog to theirs, I'll happily link their blog to mine.
• Finally, there's a list of stores I endorse. I'm trying to get the hang of affiliate links - I think I get a portion of the sale if anyone buys anything through that link. Right now, it's just Deepdiscount.com, but that's a fantastic place to get DVDs, CDs, or books, and shipping is always free (but sometimes takes about two weeks).

Ocean's 350000

A-list star George Clooney auctioned off a kiss for $350,000 in the name of AIDS research recently. I've obtained an exclusive photo of the winner.

To all the doubters

The consensus response to my Hall of Fame predictions is that Tom Brady could retire tomorrow and be a Hall of Famer despite playing only six full seasons. My response is to point out one player who is shockingly not in the Hall of Fame, one whose career was tragically cut short, the man who holds maybe the most unbreakable record in the NFL with 8 sacks in a single game. I am of course referring to the late Derrick Thomas. He played 11 years in the NFL and would have most likely been in the HOF by now had he played a few more years.

Terrell Davis player a mere four full seasons, so it's harder to predict his HOF candidacy. There are surprisingly few Pro Football Hall of Fame caliber players whose careers were cut short by injury. Gale Sayers is the classic example, who had an explosive seven season career, four and a half of which he played full time. Lynn Swann played nine years. Steve Young started in more than half of his team's games in eleven seasons, and he played in a relatively small number of games when compared to his Hall of Fame contemporaries. Tom Brady has played in roughly half as many games as Young. I'm not saying he won't be a Hall of Famer, but he needs another two or three seasons upright.

I confess - he did it!

The father of recently deceased Cardinals pitcher John Hancock is suing the restaurant at which he got drunk, his waitress at said restaurant, the company whose tow truck he hit, and, wait for it, the driver that tow truck was helping. Why didn't he sue the Cardinals for paying him a major league salary to support his drinking and drug habit? How about the MLBPA for not having a drug and alcohol policy like the NFLPA? Personally, I blame Canada.

I didn't forget about the recently retired

There are some noteworthy players who have officially retired this offseason that I failed to include:
Marshall Faulk: Mortal lock first ballot Hall of Famer.
Will Shields: Probable Hall of Famer.
Tiki Barber: Just misses the Hall of Fame, 2 more productive seasons might have clinched it.
Keyshawn Johnson: nice career, but what little speed he had left him early on.
Drew Bledsoe: also a nice career, but Hall of Famers don't get pushed to the bench by J.P. Losman and Tony Romo (Tom Brady is acceptable).
Jake Plummer: HA!
Bob Whitfield: Props for a nice career.

What about coaches?
Bill Parcells: He turned around horrible teams repeatedly, bigger than Giuliani in New York, lock Hall of Famer.
Bill Cowher: 13th all time in wins, 1 Super Bowl, I don't see it. If he's a Hall of Famer, Mike Holmgren could retire today and be a Hall of Famer, and Holmgren doesn't quite have a HOF resume. Cowher could of course return to coaching after a year off, though.

And contributors to the game
Paul Tagliabue: Believe it or not, he's not a lock because some of the voters reportedly have a bad history with him, extremely likely, though.

It don't stand for Hooked On Fonics

In honor of Keyshawn Johnson retiring, who is nowhere near a Hall of Famer, here is a list of current NFLers with a chance of making the Hall of Fame. It's possible I forgot somebody, but for the most part, if they're not on the list they have no realistic shot.

Here are the players who could retire tomorrow and feel pretty good about their chances for the Hall of Fame
QB: Brett Favre, Peyton Manning
RB: Curtis Martin
WR: Marvin Harrison
TE: Tony Gonzalez
OL: Larry Allen, Jonathan Ogden
DL: Michael Strahan
LB: Derrick Brooks (off-field works clinch it), Ray Lewis, Junior Seau

These guys are on pace if they play a few more years
QB: Tom Brady (he's only played 6 full years)
RB: LaDainian Tomlinson
WR: Torry Holt
DL: Simeon Rice, Warren Sapp
LB: Brian Urlacher
CB: Champ Bailey
S: Rodney Harrison
K: Adam Vinatieri

These guys are on track, but they need to stay productive and injury/off-field issue free
QB: Donovan McNabb
RB: Shaun Alexander
WR: Randy Moss
TE: Antonio Gates
DL: Shawne Merriman, Julius Peppers, Jason Taylor (needs about 30 or so sacks)
S: Ed Reed

And these guys are probably on the outside looking in
QB: Vinny Testeverde
RB: Corey Dillon (hardest to leave out), Priest Holmes, Edgerrin James, Fred Taylor
OL: Walter Jones, Orlando Pace, Jon Runyan
WR: Isaac Bruce, Terrell Owens, Rod Smith, Hines Ward
DL: Kevin Carter, Jevon Kearse (maybe he can come back from all the injuries but I doubt it), Willie McGinest
LB: Tedi Bruschi, Zach Thomas (2nd hardest to leave out)
CB: Ronde Barber, Ty Law, Charles Woodson
S: Brian Dawkins, Darren Sharper

The one true art form

Apple pie originated in merry old England. Hot dogs, or frankfurters, are named after their birthplace - Frankfurt, Germany. Baseball is a bastardized version of cricket. The founder of Chevrolet, Louis Chevrolet, was Swiss. Jazz has African roots, and I'm not a big fan of jazz. But comic books began in the United States, and superheroes are distinctly American. Superman is our Hercules, Batman our Sherlock Holmes, Stan Lee our Homer. The feature length film also proliferated in the states, as the expiration of the patent on Edison's kinetograph was the unofficial birth of Hollywood. Although the first feature film is actually Australian, racist American D.W. Griffith turned it into an art form. To me, the comic book movie is the ultimate American art form. So even as gas approaches $4 a gallon, every other country in the world views Bush as an argument against a free democracy, everything on network TV is either a reality show or gets cancelled after 3 episodes, horse racing pregame trumps the Stanley Cup semis, baseball players peak at 40, NBA players can knee a guy in the groin as long as they stay perfectly still on the bench, and the Bengals have a hotline to report disorderly fans with multiple felons on the team, at least the comic book movie is stronger than ever!

Because YOU demanded it!

Here's a very early 2007 NBA Mock Draft

1. Portland Trailblazers - Greg Oden C Ohio State
2. Seattle Supersonics - Kevin Durant PF Texas
3. Atlantta Hawks - Brandon Wright PF UNC
4. Memphis Grizzlies - Yi Jialian PF China
5. Boston Celtics - Al Horford PF Florida
6. Milwaukee Bucks - Jeff Green SF Georgetown
7. Minnesota Timberwolves - Roy Hibbert C Georgetown
8. Charlotte Bobcats - Corey Brewer SF Florida
9. Chicago Bulls - Julian Wright SF Kansas
10. Sacramento Kings - Joakim Noah PF Florida
11. Atlanta Hawks - Mike Conley, Jr. PG Ohio State
12. Phladelphia 76ers - Al Thornton PF Florida State
13. New Orleans Hornets - Thaddeus Young SF Georgia Tech
14. L.A. Clippers - Acie Law IV PG Texas A & M
15. Detroit Pistons - Spencer Hawes C Washington
16. Washington Wizards - Tiago Splitter PF Brazil
17. New Jersey Nets - Nick Young SG USC
18. Golden State Warriors - Jason Smith PF Colorado State
19. L.A. Lakers - Javaris Crittenton PG Georgia Tech
20. Miami Heat - Josh McRoberts PF Duke
21. Philadelphia 76ers - Sean Williams PF Boston College
22. Charlotte Bobcats - Ante Tomic C Croatia
23. New York Knicks - Brandon Rush SG Kansas
24. Phoenix Suns - Marco Belinelli SG Italy
25. Utah Jazz - Derrick Byars SF Vanderbilt
26. Houston Rockets - Daequan Cook SG Ohio State
27. Detroit Pistons - Devon Hardin C California
28. San Antonio Spurs - Rodney Stuckey SG Eastern Washington
29. Phoenix Suns - Rudy Fernandez SG Spain
30. Philadelphia 76ers - Gabe Pruitt PG USC

Out of control

Since the Super Bowl, there have been 25 arrests of NFL players and personnel in 107 days.

Congratulations universe. You win.

The draft lottery wrapped up last night as my girlfriend and I finished making dinner, and a funny thing happened: I suggested we watch Jeopardy instead of game 2 of the Western Conference Finals. My girlfriend is a Jeopardy fan, and I often accept watching it during dinner a) to gain equity so that I can watch sports during dinner at a later date, b) at least I'm watching something during dinner, and c) to get it off the Tivo. But despite the fact that the Western Conference Finals were on, which basketball fans have been looking forward to all year, the NBA Playoffs have become so utterly unwatchable that I would rather watch a show that makes me feel like a dumbass.

Utah is the only team remaining in the playoffs that averaged 100 points during the regular season. The Western Conference Finals, Eastern Conference Finals, and NBA Finals are all foregone conclusions. The games in the west are decided early and over late, and the east might as well be the minor leagues. But even if Detroit and San Antonio goes 7 games, the basketball is going set the NBA back a decade. Those teams ranked 2nd and 1st, respectively, in the NBA in points allowed during the regular season; 80 points will good enough to win most of those games. Not exactly fantastic.

Best draft ever?

Tonight the joke of an event that is the NBA Draft Lottery will be televised, as fans of teams either mired in mediocrity or that actually made a concerted effort to be among the leagues worst will be subjected to 45 minutes of filler before most likely turning off the TV crushed that their team managed to move down in the draft because, inevitably, some team defies odds and gets their combination of ping pong balls selected.

On the bright side, this is, on paper, the deepest draft in league history. Because of the minimum age requirement that was enacted last year, the players who would have been elite prospects last year declared this year, along with, obviously, everyone who would have been eligible this year. So it's essentially a double-draft-class.

Here are my top prospects

1) Greg Oden C Ohio State
Compares favorably to: David Robinson
Compares unfavorably to: Hakeem Olajuwon
One of the all-time great prospects, a sure-fire perennial All Star.

2) Kevin Durant SF Texas
Compares favorably to: Dirk Nowitzki
Compares unfavorably to: Kevin Garnett
Fresh off one of the dominant freshman seasons, the only concerns are his ability to add muscle and distribute.

3) Brandon Wright PF UNC
Compares favorably to: Chris Bosh
Compares unfavorably to: Tim Duncan
Fantastic size and athleticism, hasn't been super productive at UNC but many Tarheels have been more productive in the pros.

4) Roy Hibbert C Georgetown
Compares favorably to: Rik Smits
Compares unfavorably to: Arvydas Sabonis
At 7'2", 280 lb, you can't pass on him unless you're sure you're getting an All Star.

5) Yi Jianlian PF China
I haven't seen enough tape on this guy but he's a 7 footer with a decent frame.

6) Al Horford PF Florida
Compares favorably to: Carlos Boozer
Compares unfavorably to: Elton Brand
Runs the floor well and plays great facing the basket but needs to add a post up game.

7) Corey Brewer PG Florida
Compares favorably to: Stacey Augmon
Compares unfavorably to: Anfernee Hardaway
His defense and range put him just a tad ahead of Green, needs to add a little more bulk.

8) Jeff Green SF Georgetown
Compares favorably to: Lamar Odom
Compares unfavorably to: Grant Hill
Very polished, can play everywhere but center, may never be a great outside shooter.

9) Joakim Noah C Florida
Compares favorably to: Tyson Chandler
Compares unfavorably to: Marcus Camby
Would have been the #1 pick last year, but is probably a better prospect for staying.

10) Julian Wright SF Kansas
Compares favorably to: Corey Maggette
Compares unfavorably to: Michael Finley
Much better passer than my comparisons, think versatile version of Maggette.

11) Mike Conley, Jr. PG Ohio State
Compares favorably to: Tony Parker
Compares unfavorably to: Allen Iverson
A lot of people like him more than me, no real weakness in his game but size and experience.

The evolution of the Joker

The Joker's first appearance (1940)























Brian Bolland, from The Killing Joke (1988)















Jack Nicholson, from Batman (1989)



















Dave McKean, from Arkham Asylum (1989)































Heath Ledger, from The Dark Knight


















John Wayne Gacy

I'M A JOKER I'M A BROKEBACK SMOKER

This is off a Warner Bros. site. Very different from what I was expecting, I don't know how I feel about it. The Joker isn't a traditional villian, he's a psychokiller, and that is certainly the image they're going for. Am I going to be disappointed if he doesn't fall into a vat of chemicals to explain his face; if it's just makeup? Yes, but not as disappointed as I'd be if he were a laughing fool as opposed to a sadist.

The accompanying text "I always say, you never know what a man is truly made of until you peel the skin off his face one piece at a time."

Exclusive footage at Vick's mansion

As I continue to put myself in harm's way to bring you exclusive footage, here is a pretty damning video for the Falcons QB.

A tale of 2 commissioners

The biggest story in the NBA for the last week has been the suspensions of Phoenix Suns forwards Amare Stoudamire and Boris Diaw for standing and moving a combined 25 feet or so off the bench and then immediately retreating. This was in response to Spurs reserve forward Robert Horry hip checking 2 time MVP Steve Nash into the scorers' table with an obvious cheap shot. This was not an isolated incident in the series: Spurs starter Bruce Bowen kneed Nash in the crotch and tried to kick out Stoudamire's Achilles earlier in the series. With 2 of their top 4 forwards suspended for pivotal game 5, the Suns ran out of gas after leading for 45 out of 48 minutes and went on to lose game 6 and the series. Commissioner David Stern is being criticized for rewarding the Spurs for dirty play.

The biggest story in the NFL right now is the pending suspensions to Bears DT Tank Johnson and Falcons QB Michael Vick for gun charges and running a dog fighting ring, respectively. Johnson recently completing 60 days in a minimum security prison for violating his probation. Commissioner Roger Goodell is being lauded for giving suspensions to NFL players who are running afoul of the law.

So in what should be the NBA's showcase series, the NBA loses fans and draws criticism. And in what should be the teeth of the NFL's offseason, the NFL gains some measure of positive press despite a Super Bowl starter getting jail time and a star quarterback being involved in disgusting acts. David Stern should take notes.

Pitching's been gory? Time to axe Torre.

In eleven full years with Joe Torre as their manager, the New York Yankees have won 4 World Series, 10 division titles, been to 6 World Series, and been to the playoffs every year. But this year, a week before Memorial Day, the Yankees are 10.5 games out of first place, 7.5 games out of the Wild Card, with once again the highest payroll in professional sports. Despite their bullpen being on pace to pitch a record number of innings, they are also last in the league in strikeouts. They have only 3 saves as a team (all by Mariano Rivera), less than half as many as the team with the second fewest. This is indicative of a team that loses games late, and teams that lose games late are often outmanaged. Maybe it's time for a new manager.

The Yankees have become a team that sits around and waits for a 3 run homer. Then again, that's always been their M.O. Just like they've always brought in Mariano Rivera in the 8th or 9th when things got hairy, except when they had him as a setup man for John Wetteland in 1996. Now that Rivera is a shadow of his former self with an ERA of 6.75, Torre has to actually manage his bullpen and play the matchup game - not his strength.

Jason Giambi credits hitting coach Don Mattingly with snapping him out of his slump surrounding his semi-steroid-apology part 1, and maybe he could inject some life into the team (although the cynic might say he injected something else into Giambi). Torre apologists can complain about the starting pitching, but on paper the Yankees have an elite starting staff. With Clemens coming back, a change at the top would have the added benefit of taking some of the spotlight off of what could become a circus. It's time for a change.

This one is real

I'm also starting to believe in The Transformers.

Patriots Day

On this date 41 years ago arguably the opi of both the greatest American band and the greatest American songwriter was released in the form of Pet Sounds by The Beach Boys and Blonde on Blonde by Bob Dylan, respectively. Huzzah, Brian Wilson. Huzzah, Robert Zimmerman.

Prima Donovan and Lord Favre

The Eagles drafted a quarterback with their top pick drawing the ire of Donovan McNabb and his whole Chunky Soup spooning family. The Packers drafted a defensive tackle in the first round, failed to trade for Randy Moss, and have to deal with the rumor that Brett Favre has demanded a trade (Brett Favre and the Packers issued a press release denying this). In my effort to bring you the latest in NFL news, I apparently overlooked the point when Donovan McNabb and Brett Favre were named general managers of their respective teams. If these guys, or any quarterbacks for that matter, were calling the shots, their teams would draft receivers or offensive lineman every year. This is yet another drawback to having a franchise quarterback, along with their enormous salaries (Favre has an $11 million base salary this year, and were he actually traded whatever team the got him would want to pay him about half that).

Last season Ray Lewis made similar demands of the Ravens, imploring them to draft a defensive tackle, then implying that he wanted to be traded (with similar salary restrictions as Favre) but the Ravens didn't have to issue a press release to put out the fire; since it was defensive player it was a story reported in the second half hour of Sportscenter and the story was forgotten after a week. Guard Alan Faneca's dissatisfaction about his contract hasn't even made it to Sportscenter, and he's a better guard than anyone not named Peyton or Tom is a quarterback. These stories with McNabb and Favre keep gaining momentum and will probably be huge distractions for their teams. Coincidentally, both of those teams traded their star receiver after their quarterbacks spoke out against them; Favre criticized Javon Walker for holding out, McNabb and Terrell Owens engaged in very public sniping.

Last year, Drew Brees, Steve McNair, and Daunte Culpepper were available, veteran quarterbacks. This year, Trent Green, Culpepper, and possibly Favre are available. The myth that you can't find a good quarterback via free agency or without giving up multiple first day picks should have been dispelled by now, but apparently it hasn't been. Everyone that drafts a quarterback in the first round is lauded, and everyone who passes on one is criticized. You give me someone who can rush the passer or keep him upright.

The Golden Age

When I woke up Saturday morning I turned on my spiffy HDTV, which was tuned to TNT, as it was the night before to watch the NBA Playoffs. Batman Forever was just starting, featuring an all star cast including Nicole Kidman, Jim Carrey, Tommy Lee Jones, Val Kilmer, and Chris O'Donnell (who is thisclose to being relegated to a career of nothing but Lifetime movies). About 20 minutes in, it dawned on me that this was the worst movie I'd seen since Stealth. I was shocked how bad it was. I mean, during action sequences it was like I was watching the Ice Capades. In the last 5 years we've witnessed, arguably, the 7 greatest comic book movies of all time: Blade II, Spider-Man, X-Men 2, Spider-Man 2, Sin City, Batman Begins, and V for Vendetta (listed chronologically).

Why the sudden shift from the nonsensical kiddie flicks to the hyperkinetic (sometimes ultra) mature films? I could come up with two explanations:

1. Studio execs and screenwriters that in positions of power now grew up reading the more mature comics that came along in the late 70s and 80s: Swamp Thing, Green Arrow, Dark Knight Returns, Watchmen, V for Vendetta, and Sandman. Alan Moore is the man most responsible for this change in the comic landscape, and it's fitting that V for Vendetta, one of his first works, has been adapted to film, although without Moore's involvement. Nor was he involved in From Hell or The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, which bastardized his work. Unbreakable by M. Night Shyamalan, in particular, was heavily influenced by The Watchmen. Robert Rodriguez was already familiar with Frank Miller's Sin City before he started filming it.
2. The evolution of filming fight scenes, largely due to the runaway success of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and The Matrix. Thanks to the groundbreaking work of martial arts choreographer Woo-ping Yuen, whose work also includes Kill Bill Volumes 1 & 2, Fist of Legend, Iron Monkey, Drunken Master 1 & 2, Once Upon a Time in China I & II, Kung Fu Hustle, and Fearless, among others (each one is fantastic, but Fist of Legend is particularly great). Fight scenes in movies like Die Hard and the James Bond movie were extremely deliberate; bad guy kicks good guy, good guy grabs his leg, good guy pauses to flex, good guy tosses bad guy by the leg. And those were the good fight scenes! The fight scenes of the last decade tend to be more fluid and brutal. You can see the influence in all the movies mentioned, the Star Wars prequels, Equilibrium, Serenity, the Underworld movies, the Tomb Raider movies, and the Resident Evil movies.

It's hard out here for a pimp, or a linebacker

Former Steelers linebacker Richard Seigler was arrested for running a prostitution operation in Las Vegas. Earlier that day he was cut by the Steelers when word got out about the charges. Earlier in the offseason, then-Steeler Joey Porter and the Bengals' Levi Brown (also in the AFC North) got into a fistfight in Las Vegas; I can't help but wonder if there was any connection.

So is this like a reverse Hustle & Flow? Like, was Seigler an NFL player who parlayed that into a pimping empire, or was his bottom bitch holding the tackling sled as he whooped that trick? And where does his 40-time rank among pimps? Like was he the star of the pimp combine - did he pimp slap a ho from midfield on one knee? And I thought prostitution was legal in Vegas. This should be no different than one of the thousands of used car lots owned by former players around the country. Maybe a little too similar: "What will it take for me to get you in this vagina?"

Sean Taylor skips OTA

Redskins safety Sean Taylor is a no show for the voluntary mini-camp, AKA organized team activity, which started yesterday. Something about "The Beast," as Doc Walker calls him, just never sits right with me. Always dissatisfied with his contract, often in trouble, and good for about 5 bonehead plays a year, there are plenty of safeties I'd rather go to war with. That being said, going into the draft, Sean Taylor was, by a mile, the highest rated safety ever. He was the perfect safety: he can read a quarterback like Ed Reed, he hits like Roy Williams, and he creates big turnovers like Brian Dawkins. But for whatever reason he hasn't put it all together to become a dominant player.

When LaRon Landry signs his megadeal it will surely trump Taylor's deal, so maybe it is time for the Redskins to extend Taylor. Anything to get him to shut his mouth and play ball. Because I don't think the Skins want Sean Taylor spouting dissatisfaction to Landry in position meetings this summer.

More draft analysis

Here is Mel's biggest draft winners and losers.

My top 50 NFL players

Here is my list of the top 50 players in the NFL. This list is based on who I would want for this coming season and only this coming season. Since running back has proved to be a fungible position, there is a noticeable lack of running backs high on the list. There are quite a few quarterbacks, however, one of whom is Michael Vick, who is quietly coming off a career season. He also has animal cruelty charges pending against him, but there is such a paucity of quality NFL QBs that I'd still want him on my team at some point.

1. Tom Brady QB Patriots
2. Peyton Manning QB Colts
3. LaDainian Tomlinson RB Chargers
4. Julius Peppers DE Panthers
5. Champ Bailey CB Broncos
6. Brian Urlacher ILB Bears
7. Shawn Merriman OLB/DE Chargers
8. Steve Smith WR Panthers
9. Donovan McNabb QB Eagles
10. Jason Taylor DE Dolphins
11. Torry Holt WR Rams
12. Antonio Gates TE Chargers
13. Chris McAlister CB Ravens
14. Carson Palmer QB Bengals
15. Kevin Williams DT Vikings
16. Marvin Harrison WR Colts
17. Dwight Freeney DE Colts
18. Jammal Brown OT Saints
19. Richard Seymour DE/DT Patriots
20. Ed Reed SS Ravens
21. Andre Johnson WR Texans
22. Steven Jackson RB Rams
23. Drew Brees QB Saints
24. Shawn Andrews OG Eagles
25. Larry Johnson RB Chiefs
26. Chad Johnson WR Bengals
27. Troy Polamalu SS Steelers
28. Jamal Williams NT Chargers
29. Jonathan Ogden OT Ravens
30. Drew Brees QB Saints
31. DeAngelo Hall CB Falcons
32. Tony Gonzalez TE Chiefs
33. Steve Hutchinson OG Vikings
34. Bart Scott OLB Ravens
35. Casey Hampton NT Steelers
36. Walter Jones OT Seahawks
37. Frank Gore RB 49ers
38. Todd Heap TE Ravens
39. DeMarcus Ware OLB Cowboys
40. Antonio Pierce ILB Giants
41. Rashean Mathis CB Jaguars
42. Roy Williams WR Lions
43. Brian Waters OG Chiefs
44. Derrick Burgess DE Raiders
45. Ray Lewis ILB Ravens
46. Bob Sanders SS Colts
47. Mike Vick QB Falcons
48. Brian Dawkins FS Eagles
49. Zach Thomas ILB Dolphins
50. Matt Hasselbeck QB Seahawks

High School vs Draft ratings

Fantastic work my scout.com comparing where guys ranked in their recruiting class versus where they were drafted. Some hgihlights: Michael Bush as the #1 QB, #3 overall; Lorenzo Booker as the #1 prospect overall; Ted Ginn as the #1 CB, #4 overall; and Jamaal Anderson as a 2 star WR.

Out on a limb

Former Kansas City Chief defensive end Eric Hicks was waived today. Hicks played college ball at the University of Maryland. I guarantee the Washington Redskins sign him.

Better analyst than GM

From Charlie Casserly's post draft analysis

I did a 10-year study on the draft to judge the success rate of players selected in each round. I defined a successful player as one who is starting four years after being drafted. Four years gives him a chance to prove himself, and if you are not starting after four years you will probably be replaced on the roster. The results were as follows:

Round 1 -- 75 percent
Round 2 -- 50 percent
Round 3 -- 30 percent
Round 4 -- 25 percent
Round 5 -- 20 percent
Round 6 -- 9 percent
Round 7 -- 9 percent

Average -- 31 percent My observation on the drafting of players with questionable character is the same as I wrote last week after I interviewed a number of teams. They told me they would not do anything different on draft day, and judging where teams took players, I did not see any difference between where these players were drafted and where they would have been in the past.

MLB and natural selection

This weekend St. Louis Cardinals relief pitcher John Hancock was killed when he hit a parked tow truck early Sunday morning. He had left a bar and eschewed a taxi. This marks the second death of an MLB pitcher in about 6 months after Yankees starter Cory Lidle flew his plane into a New York city apartment building October 11. These deaths strike me as even less tragic than it would be if they had died by forgetting to eat for 2 weeks, because although equally stupid ways to die, at least they wouldn't have put hundreds of lives at risk in the process.

Is this how privilage is defined? That your life will be celebrated no matter what decisions result in it's end? Lidle could have killed more people than the Virginia Tech shooter. But that didn't matter to the Major League players who would never forgive him for crossing the picket line during the 1994 strike. A union that truly has it's priorities in order.