Myths about the draft

With the draft 25 hours away, it's time to dispel some rumors about it.

Myth: The draft is the best thing ever.

Fact: The Gutenberg Printing Press made it possible to reprint text at a much faster rate and is better than the draft. Birth control, beer, and toilet paper also rank very highly. The draft is only the 14th best thing ever.

Myth: You have to watch all 16 or so hours of the draft this weekend or baby Jesus will cry.

Fact: You can actually get up to use the bathroom or go to the fridge during commercials; Jesus is not without mercy.

Myth: Mel Kiper, Jr's pompadour can deflect bullets.

Fact: In 1997 while scouting Rae Carruth Mel was shot and the bullet was lodged in his hair. It's still there, and is visible when Mel turns to his right toward the dais.

Myth: Mel Kiper, Jr. and Butch Patrick, the actor that played Eddie Munster, are one and the same.

Fact: Mel is actually Joey Butafuoco.

Myth: Detroit Lions GM Matt Millen has pictures of team owner William Clay Ford, Sr. in compromising positions.

Fact: Ford was fatally shot by first round bust Charles Rogers in 2004 and Millen has created the illusion that he is alive from tricks learned from watching Weekend at Bernie's.

Myth: The Redskins have already traded a 4th round pick next year in return for lifts to make Dan Snyder appear 5'4".

Fact: The Redskins traded that pick for contact lenses for Vinny Cerrato's enormous eyes.